16628--Allow Yourself Permission

Some people are more geared to believe it than others. Others live in a world of denial and suffering and fear. It isn’t just a few of you either. The number? Well...it’s quite large, staggering really. I’m talking about the number of you who have allowed yourselves to be convinced of your own basic lack of self-worth.

Whether you believe you’re not enough on a physical, spiritual, emotional or intellectual level and have accepted that the power to change the circumstances of your dissatisfaction is out of your hands, you’ve bought into the lie. If you’re only believing it because someone else has decided you’re not enough and can’t do anything about it, then you’ve not only bought it, but paid extra for it.

Like other lies, this one only has as much power as you give it. That’s your choice to make, but I’ll tell you every time you ask me that it’s a bad one. You should be channeling your energies into worthwhile pursuits. Allow yourself permission to enjoy your life. That power is yours, too. Allow yourself permission to believe that you are either sufficient as you are or that the choice and power to better yourself reside within you. Grant yourself that gift of happiness.

If you find yourself clinging to your old ways, unable to move forward to the happiness of freedom as you labor beneath the weight of accumulated lies, then you need to find a way to convince yourself that you can. You need a challenge. Not just any challenge, but something that reaches deep inside you and stirs the feelings that dwell there.

Our modern society has smoothed a lot of rough spots, spoon-feeding us so many conveniences that finding real challenges that help show us who we are has become hard for a lot of people. Some run marathons, ultramarathons or triathlons. Some climb mountains, some ski off them and some do fight clubs (but I'm not supposed to talk about that). These sorts of challenges, though, are as manufactured as a "reality" TV show.

Real life-defining challenges are harder to come by for those seeking to push envelopes. The boundaries of the frontier have been pushed further out. The number of new things one can invent dwindles and more of those inventions are being created to remove men from battlefields, mankind's classic forge for hardening men. The age of finding adventure by daring to walk where none have before has passed. Most of us will never know that experience.   It won't truly be available again until interstellar travel reaches the level of consumer accessibility that automobiles enjoy.

In our civilized time, even conquest has become a social taboo. Being an accomplished warrior was held as defining and glorious for most of man's history. War has fallen out of vogue in favor of legislatively restrained clashes in the realm of business and industry. Even with the relatively new venue for high-stakes struggle, older wisdom's remain valued. Sun Tzu still provides matchless strategic guidance. Machiavelli continues to yield insight in obtaining and retaining power through manipulation. Genghis Khan united half the known world beneath his rule and offered probably the most elegantly visceral words on bringing joy to one's life: crush your enemies.

Here's the thing: happiness comes from achieving goals.  Oh, sure, getting to relax and play and do as you like sounds great, but all that paradise becomes boring after a while if it doesn't come with some challenges.  It feels good to check things off the To-Do List, but it's much more interesting and feels like you've accomplished something when there's a bit of a struggle involved.  In your heart, you want your rewards to feel they've been earned.  Look at your favorite fiction.  However you want to classify it, as drama or action, but it gets interesting when the characters have to struggle to reach their goals.

"Crush your enemies."


Say it.  It's not politically correct, but say it out loud and tell me it doesn't feel good deep down inside. If you find yourself without classic enemies (should your challenges be in the realm of business or sports, for example), call it opposition instead. Identify whatever it is that stands between you and your goals, whatever is out to tear you down, then crush it. Give yourself permission to seize and enjoy victory and happiness. Believe you're worthy of the experience.

16346--Born of Tragedy, Tempered by Conflict: Why It Gets Our Attention

I've often heard it said that people love to cheer for an underdog in a conflict.  I also often heard that everybody loves a winner.


Conflict seems to be nourishing to our spirits.  When we can't find it externally, many of us will find a way to generate it internally.  It might be as simple as suddenly wanting to do something we've just been told we can't or wrestling with eating food that's bad for us.  If we're willing to fight with ourselves for the sake of having a fight, I'd say that demonstrates dedication to a principle.  Give us a few brief moments of cherished contentment in our lives and those of us stable enough not to run about sparking artificial drama will turn to fiction. 

When it comes to our fiction, contentment is boring.  There's no series of movies about the "Die Hard Family Christmas Vaction", "Lethal Weapon: Still More Paperwork" or James Bond's latest foreign affairs briefing.  The phrase "Death at the box office" comes to mind and it has nothing to do with the high body count of the latest action flick.  Conflict builds character and characters drive our stories...often at very high speed.  "The Lord of the Rings" isn't about Gollum admiring jewelry in the solitude of a cave.  The story didn't get moving till he lost it and experienced conflict with others and himself.

Tempering metal stresses it with heat to create a stronger metal than one left in its natural state.  Tragic characters draw our attention, those who have survived stresses that tested them and produced stronger characters.  Ahh, those underdogs...There's just something about them we can't resist.  In the comic books, they've been feeding our popular culture for decades.  There's a mighty mutant superhero spawned during the sci-fi surge of the fifties who was tough, strong, genius-smart and a psychic powerhouse.  He fought a war in the shadows, defending us from alien invaders.  His name was Captain Comet, a good and decent fellow with a happy childhood.  He had power handed to him, always fought for good and left Earth to continue his adventures in space.  Never heard of him, huh?  *sigh*

Yeah, he didn't catch on as well as the superhuman orphan from Krypton.  He had no real people of his own because his whole planet had blown up.  He championed the poor and helpless against crime and corruption.  An orphan and an immigrant, he could never go home, so he worked hard to do his best in a place where he'd never quite fit in with the natives.  They would call him Superman.  He caught on.

Start with a ten-year-old boy and stick him in a wealthy family with doting parents.  Hey, it's Richie Rich.  Now, orphan him by ruthlessly murdering his parents before his eyes and you're on the road to turning Bruce Wayne from a doughy playboy into a caped crusader engaged in a relentless war against criminals.  On top of that, the only significant romantic relationships he can seem to develop have come from the criminal community.  They're hardly stable, but Holy Romeo and Juliet! talk about a conflicted character.  Has he collected adoring fans?  You bet.  Nobody seems to hold being a rich guy against him.  He's tightly wound, calculating, bad with relationships and will let his relentless determination carry him to the extremes of his abilities to win.

Likewise, people don't seem to mind little boys being powerful, yet poor...and orphaned.  Billy Batson barely has name recognition, but look at how many people know the word Shazam!  We've got a soft squishy spot for orphans.  Orphans have issues.  They lack foundation and identity.  Whatever else they may have going for them, not having their parents puts them at a social and perhaps a psychological disadvantage.  Peter Parker was a smart kid, but an orphan and when power fell into his lap, he still made bad decisions.  He had to suffer some additional loss before we stood firmly behind him.  The budding Spider-man had to not only be an orphan in a poor family, he had to lose his surrogate father as a result of his own failure to act for his character to really take a firm shape.

It seems to be inherent in our psyches.  Most people are attached to the dream of obtaining something for nothing, but we always look for the "catch".  We know there's a price that must be paid for the "free" lunch.  You can have your wishes, but any decent genie will tell you that they come with consequences.  In alchemy, they called it the Law of Equivalent Exchange.  To Shakespeare, it was the straw he spun into gold to gild the human condition.  His work continues to resonate through us because he found elegant ways to share with us the truth that we are creatures of conflict and struggle.  We neither trust nor respect anything that comes too easily.  How often have we seen power and wealth that came without work and wisdom squandered by the recipient?  Like Adam and Eve, we won't stand for being handed paradise and perfection.  Something in the depths of our beings has to feel that it has been earned and deserved. 

Our natures shape our works and our lives.  As Spock once said, "Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting."  For us, striving is clearly a bit more important than attaining.  The journey is more important than the destination.